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Evo jednog lijepog citata iz knjige Esther Perel "Mating in captivity" koju sam čitao ovoga ljeta:

"Every so often, I meet couples who get it, who maintain a sense of playfulness with each other, in and out of bedroom. They are physically and sensually alive - two people whose desire for one another hasn't been left to languish. Even in our culture of immediate gratification, they're able to see seduction as an end in itself. ....

... for all these couples, playfulness is central to their relationship, and eroticism extends beyond the sexual act. Their lovemaking can be ceremonious or sudden, soulful or utilitarian, vanilla or transgressive, warm or hot. The point is that sex is pleasurable and inviting, not dutiful. They revere the erotic, yet they delight in its irreverence. They like sex, they especially like it with each other, and they take time to nurture an erotic space.

Like all couples, they go through periods when desire is dormant - when they are estranged from each other, or simply immersed in their own projects and in their own lives, but they don't panic, terrified that something is fundamentally wrong with them. THey know that erotic intensity waxes and wanes, that desire suffers periodic eclipses and intermittent disappearances. But given sufficient attention, they can bring the frisson back.

For them, love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of their romance, it's the beginning. They know that they have years in which to deepen their connection, to experiment, to regress, and event to fail. They see their relationship as something alive and ongoing, not a fair accompli. It's a story that they are writing together, one with many chapter, and neither partner knows how it will end. There's always a place they haven't got yet, always something about the other still to be discovered.

Modern relationships are cauldrons of contradictory longings: safety and excitement, grounding and transcedence, the comfort of love and the heat of passion. We want it all, and we want it with one person. Reconciling the domestic and the erotic is a delicate balancing act that we achieve intermittently at best. It requires knowing your partner while recognizing his persistent mistery ; creating security while remaining open to the uknown cultivating intimacy that respect privacy. Separateness and togetherness alternate, or proceed in counterpoint. Desire resist confinement, and commitment mustn't swalow freedom whole.

At the same time, eroticism in the home requires active engagement and willful intent. It is an ongoing resistance to the message that marriage is serious, more work than play; and that the passion is for teenagers and the immature. We must unpack our ambivalence about pleasure, and challenge our pervasive discomfort with sexuality, particularly in the context of family. Complaining of sexual boredom is easy and conventional. Nurturing eroticism in the home is act of open defiance."

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